The Most Exquisite Pain
by MorbidOptimist
Summary: The weight of switching sides has been stressing out the hex caster to dangerous levels when she decides to call Raven for help, but how long will her run of good luck last?
1. Meet n' Greet

"_You actually came_?" Jinx cried in disbelief.

"Well you _did _call me, did you not?"

Jinx backtracked, hastily offering an apology alongside sheepish grins while she rubbed her palms against her pants, clearly feeling as out of place as the empath did.

Raven waited a moment before sighing and crossed her arms. She cast a glance to the Pizzaria Jinx had decided to meet up at and found herself wondering if it they were having their breadstick special and began contemplating whether or not the other founding members of her Team had anything planned for dinner when the sound of Jinx clearing her throat caught her attention and broke her out of her thoughts.

"Well then, I guess we should get to it then? Why I asked you to meet up with me and all that right? Unless you want anything first?"

The empath nodded and replied, "As lunch was waylaid in lieu of placating the mayor's fears about the rumors of mole people infesting the city's sewers being false for three and a half hours and breakfast being interrupted by Rancid and his mechanical menagerie earlier this morning, I'm quite inclined to the suggestion of_ anything_ edible at this point."

Jinx smiled, a little relived that they were getting along so far and led the way inside.

The line for dining-in was long, which was the usual for the establishment, as it was frequented by hard working adults with no spare time to cook for themselves, and an extremely popular spot for teens to hang out. It was in the middle of town and everyone with working television knew it was often graced by the city's team of super heros, which was the precise reason Jinx had chosen it as the meetup spot.

As they made their way further they reached the buffet styled bars where it was pretty much grab-and-go and Raven seized the last four slices of what appeared to Jinx as a heavily loaded meat lovers pizza with a small amount of zeal and slid them in one of the take out boxes on the corner. She scanned the bars quietly in the time it took for Jinx to find a decent looking mac'n'cheese slice and then surprised the hexcaster by teleporting to behind her to stuff a fair amount of breadsticks into her box. She looked up, her eyebrow quirked slightly, as if to dare the hexcaster to comment, and Jinx just shrugged before telling her to grab something to drink unless she preferred cherry kool-aid and grape soda. Mixed.

With a light frown Raven elected to grab an iced tea on their way to the closest checkout counter. Jinx grabbed the boxes for the cashier to ring up pulled out her wallet. She dolled out a pair of twenties and Raven tapped her foot in impatience as the cashier fumbled for the correct amount of change.

With food in tow Raven relaxed, and let Jinx lead them out to the parking lot. They got as far as the sidewalk before curiosity of the situation struck the empath.

"So where are we going?"

Jinx rolled her shoulders and cracked her neck and offered what she hoped was a reassuring and friendly smile before replying.

"Well you know how I asked you for your help on something yeah?"

"Yes, that call you made just a few minutes ago is still within grasp."

"Well in order to help me I'm prolly going to have to explain a lot of shit and I figured that doing it in a place that's not out in public would be best, right? So I figured we'd just hash it all out at my house."

"House?"

"Well, apartment, but that's the gist of it. Unless that's weird or something?"

"Er, no, that's fine," she replied, shaking her head gently, "I just forget that not all of the Titans live in a giant Tower on occasion."

"Understandable, I thought that teachers used to live in their classrooms for like, ever until I broke into the forbidden wing on the first floor back at the H.I.V.E. Took weeks for the Headmistress to speak to me again. I was scrubbing bathrooms for months," Jinx replied absently before grinning; "On the plus side though, I'll never forget the fact that she used to read out of date pulp fiction novels."

The empath didn't quite know how to reply to such a revelation and did a quick double take to see if the hex caster was serious.

"Of course after that I'm sure she flushed them all cause Gizzy couldn't find _anything_ on the vent cams. But I digress."

"You sent Gizmo to spy on your headmistress?"

"What? No, I mean it's not like that I mean," she sputtered, "In the H.I.V.E. we were just, I don't know, _encouraged_ to pull of sneaky shit successfully."

Raven nodded slightly and mulled the thought of the former headmistress over for a few minutes as they came to a crosswalk. Jinx hit the button signaling that they wanted to cross and the empath dug out one of her breadsticks and munched it quietly. The light turned and journeyed across without issue, which was always a nice turn of events for either of them and hopped onto the opposing sidewalk where they walked in silence for some time, until the growing unease rippling off of the hex casters emotions became too much for Raven ignore comfortably.

Breaking the silence, she asked, "So how are they doing, your other teammates I mean, Gizmo and all of them, if I may ask."

Surprised, Jinx slowed, allowing them to walk side by side.

"Well I mean, I haven't really talked to them since we split up. But they're resourceful so they're probably doing ok without me?"

Slightly abashed, Raven offered her apologies for bringing up what she considered sensitive subject material.

"No it's alright, I'm just not used to people talking about them like they're normal, ya know?"

"Normal?"

"Ah, yeah look, um, we're almost to my place so we'll talk about everything there, alright?"

Raven nodded again, noting her companions spike in heartrate. She began munching another breadstick as Jinx led her to the apartment building.

It was relatively plain, and there was an elevator, though Jinx led them to the stairs. She lived on the fourteenth story so it was a bit of a climb, but Raven refrained from complaining.

"Ah here we are," Jinx sang in delight when they reached the correct door; she bent to unlock it and ushered the empath inside.

It was sparkly decorated, and seemed just as plain as the lobby, and was an overall underwhelming color of beige. The sofa, though tired, looked comfortable and there were a few odds and ends strewn about, which made the small room feel more homey and there was a kitchenette father back that was relatively clean looking. To the left of the kitchenette there was what looked like a small hallway with doors to what Raven presumed to be a bedroom and bathroom.

Feeling oddly relaxed, she wandered closer to the couch and waited for Jinx to sit down before seating herself.

Their bags were placed on the coffee table and Raven made no apologies her pulling her box to her lap.

"Alright," she began, her hands slowly unscrewing the bottle of iced tea, "now that we're here, which is a nice place by the way, feel free to elaborate at any time."

Jinx wrung her hands and tried to force herself to relax.

She gulped down a large breath and decided that like pulling off a band-aid, faster was probably better.

"I need your help controlling my powers. Or rather, I need you to help _me_ learn how to control _my_ powers, because well, Wally's been getting upset at me at missions lately and any second now I'm going to screw up big time and the media is going to have a _field day_ and they already hate me anyway and I really can't go back to prison and see Greg's smug ass face telling me '_I told you so'_ while I rot for good because I'll just fucking loose it again and I'm sorry because I know it's a lot to ask and we aren't even friends or anything but I promise that I'm a fast learner and that I'll try not to piss you off or anything and you're kinda my only hope here cause I don't know what else to do."

With that, the hexcaster exhaled and stared at her hands, which were attempting to wring the life out of her jeans, and forced herself to look back up at the empath, who judging by the looks of statement settled across her features, didn't seem quite prepared for this situation and then looked back at her hands while Raven gathered her bearings.

"Alright," the empath offered to Jinx's surprise, "start at the beginning."


	2. Relaxation

alright so i dont own these characters, blah blah blah, ect.

this started started off of a post i made on my tumblr, and it spiraled out of control.

i have almost five chapters of this thing planned out.

where is my life going.

* * *

><p>"Alright so, you prolly remember that whole shabang with Brother Blood mind controlling the school and that really wasn't my thing at all?"<p>

"That does ring quite the bell yes," Raven replied thinking back on the memory with her expression soured.

"Yeah, well long story short, after that whole battle that took place where everyone was fighting everyone and that sucked and I just…"

She trailed off as she tried to find the words she wanted to express the gravity of the situation and ended up shrugging before just trudging along.

"It was like looking out of my window and seeing that the train that I was on was heading for a really nasty place and the only way to save myself was to jump ship so I did. And of course, Wally Flash seemed kinda into me and well, I switched sides."

"Understandable."

"So my old team hates me probably, and the police don't trust me as far as they can see me which isn't exactly that far anyway cause I'm pretty damn noticeable and then of course the media's been all over this since I walked down main street next to Wally in the first place," she finished as she gazed wistfully at her box of pizza that was sitting untouched on her coffee table.

"Not that I am not sympathetic to your plight, which I am," Raven began, setting aside her box to better position herself on the couch, "but to my knowledge, you've never seemed to have any issue with your powers, at least, you didn't back when you were on the other side as it were, so is there a specific thing causing it or?"

Jinx nodded once before replying, "Ok so I'll be minding my own business right?"

"Right," the empath replied, her focus narrowing slightly.

"And then the alarm will set off right?"

"Right."

"I start to tense up cause I know that shit's gonna go down."

"Fair enough."

"So we get there, Flash and me and maybe whoever else we're with, mostly Mas and Menos, who are totes adorable by the way."

"True."

"And then there's the bad guy and at first I'm like hell yeah, they're going down right?"

The empath nods once.

"And then like some of the people are in the way and have to be _out _of the way so we gotta get'em out of there and sometimes I have to rescue some of them and they're all like '_AHRG, DON'T HURT ME I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY_'," she mimed in mock despair, waiving her hands about in the air for emphasis, "and then I'm like _'fucking chill man, I'm one of the good guys'_ and then they don't believe me and threaten to sue and shit and _that_ ticks me off, cause here I am," she continued actively, "risking my _neck_ for these guys and they don't have the fucking IQ to be grateful or whatever and I'm like no, that's cool, that's cool, and then Wally fucking yells at me to be nicer to them and I'm like I'm literally being the best I can be towards these guys, cause I am, and then by that point I've wasted all my time on the bozo people and half the time I turn around and the bad guys already done for which is shit, and then I have to deal with the cops and the press, which takes forever and _wouldn't_ you _know it_," she shouted bitterly, "the things gets _back_ up and we have to keep fighting it and now there's a lot _more_ people and I'm fed up so I let off some steam and bring it down and then everyone's on my case for getting too rough and I'm just so _done_ and then I get to hear about it for days afterwards from everything from Wally to the TV and each time it just gets harder to stop myself from screwing up and I'm terrified that by telling you all of this you'll kick me out of the Titans or something."

Raven contemplated Jinx's words for a few moments as she finished the rest of her tea, which left Jinx time to cool down from her rant while she chowed down on her pizza with vigor, which was a bit colder now than she would have liked but she was too preoccupied to complain.

Raven set her empty bottle on the table and crossed her legs, which Jinx took as a sign that she was getting down to business and steeled herself up for the empath's judgement.

"First and foremost, I'm glad you came to me for help."

The hex caster breathed a bit easier, leaned back into the sofa, and began chewing slower.

Raven looked a bit abashed, as memories of Terra and her own follies filling the empath's head and Jinx almost asked what was wrong before she shook her head and continued.

"It takes a lot of courage to admit to _yourself_ that there is a problem, _let alone _telling anyone _else_ about it. So you have my respect. Furthermore, I…"

She trailed off for a moment before mentally rephrasing and continuing on, "I know what it's like to deal with frustration and anger it have an effect on the powers you wield. While I'm not an expert by any means at all, I promise that I'll do whatever I can to help you, and I promise that you don't have to worry about being kicked out or anything like, you know, within reason."

The squeal of utter delight caught the empath off guard, and she was braced against the arm rest when Jinx dove in for a hug, but it wasn't as air constricting as the hugs she sometimes received from Starfire so she relaxed and allowed her teammate a moment to rejoice at her good fortune before she realized what she was doing.

After a few seconds the empath cleared her throat and Jinx retreated sheepishly, and wrung her hands in her lap once more and Raven smirked.

"So then," she began, lifting her chin up as she took on some of her old persona before the empath's eyes, "tell me professor, what's your verdict?"

"I can't really fix your problem now, as I just mentioned that I'm not an expert, but I'll look into some things when I get back to the Tower later tonight and I'll let you know by next week or earlier if I find something of use. For the moment though, I can offer some meditation techniques that might help? If nothing else it should help you distress."

"I'm up for anything really," the hex caster replied, her eyes looking brighter than before.

Raven nodded and looked around and used her soulself to push the couch and table closer to the kitchen, dropping Jinx with a yelp to the floor in the process, and sat crosslegged on the old rug covering the floor.

Jinx scrambled to mimic her, her nerves back in full force, and the waited until her breathing relaxed before beginning.

"Alright, now I don't know if you've ever tried meditating before but I'm going to teach you the way I was taught to, as it's a good of a place to start as any. Are you comfortable with closing your eyes?"

"Sure?"

"Alright, then close them and just breathe for a few minutes while I explain a little, it'll help, ok?"

"Got it, teach."

"Good. Now I want you to imagine your thoughts as some sort foreign thing. Bubbles or colors or what have you. You can just imagine those things in general if that's easier; Starfire found thinking of plants particularly effective so use whatever works for you, use it. Are you with me so far?"

"Yep. I'm having fun with the colors thing to be honest."

"That's fine," she replied as she settled her elbows on her knees to better watch the hex casters progress, "Now that you're more relaxed, I want you to pick a phrase. Song lyrics or religious hyms or whatever you wish. It'd be easier with something small, and you have to be able to remember it. Again, it can be whatever feels right to you," the empath stated before grimacing.

"Garfield once chanted '_I like fake ham'_ for the whole session," so I mean anything, "although I beg you not to use that because I don't think I can take that for another forty minutes."

Jinx stifled a giggle, but grinned. She began running words through her head found herself beginning to fidget with the numerous possibilities running through her head.

"I don't suppose I can borrow one for now until I can come up with one?"

Raven mulled it over a moment before replying, "I don't see why not. Star uses mine on occasion and I don't mind you using it if you wish, as long as you don't ask me what it means."

"Ok thanks," Jinx replied in relief, "A-zar-rath met-tri-on zinn-those right?"

"Elongate the first o a little more and yes."

"Gotcha. One quick question though, not about the mantra."

"Alright, what is it?"

"Who's Garfield?"

"Beast-boy, and I'd appreciate it if you don't tell him I told you."

Jinx giggled and peeked at Raven who flashed her a small grin before the empath returned to her composed demenor.

She closed her eyes again and asked, "Now what?"

"Now you repeat it for twenty minutes while your mind does the rest."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"That's it? No like, soul searching or wild trips or anything like that?"

"Entirely possible but no. The point is to focus on the words while your thoughts sort themselves out until you sort of… transcend I guess… into a different state of balance. You find serenity and the stress you felt from before should be eased if not gone. My teachers meditated this way twice a day for twenty minutes every day, which is, I assume, the normal amount. You don't have to do it for hours at a time like I do unless you decide it helps or that you like it. You can fall asleep doing that though, as Robin found out so be aware of that."

"Fair enough. So to make sure, I just sit here and chant until I'm relaxed and nothing black or misty is going to mess around with me or my brain right?"

"Right."

"Ok, just making sure."

"It's alright. Feel free to start whoever you want. And don't be try to stop your thoughts from happening, remember, you aren't clearing your mind you're balancing it. I'll tell you when to stop so don't worry about that either."

"Ok, I'll give it a go."

Raven nodded, which went unnoticed by the hex caster as she began her chanting and the empath took a moment to glance around the apartment again.

The sunlight flowing in from the window was showering the room in a dim orange glow. The evening was fast approaching and there were sounds of rush hour traffic beginning to stir up.

She looked back to pink haired girl in front of her.

Her brows her knit, she focused on the words she was saying instead of the images and sounds no doubt flittering through her head.

Her tongue ring clicked at every crisp syllable and caught the light, which distracted the emapth for a moment until she realized what it was, and then she searched the girls face for other modifications. She sported pierced ears, diamond studs in the lobes, an industrial piercing was on her left ear and on her right the entire outer rim was covered in more diamond studs. They ran in uniform order, largest to smallest, beginning at the lobe and ending at what she was fairly certain was called the daith.

Starfire had showed her tons of charts and online pictures of piercings when she discovered the cultural tradition and had spent days pouring over what possible combinations they should get. For safety in combat, they had both chosen standard lobe piercings, although the princess had later gotten a bellybutton piercing, which got infected and had to be removed.

She watched the light glimmer along the tiny diamonds and wondered how in the world they got the tiniest one without losing it.

There was also a piercing on her eyebrow, which Raven thought must have been new, as she never recalled it being there before, and she noted that the hex caster must have taken a fair amount of time doing her make up at some point in the day, as her eyeliner was even on both eyes, though the eye shadow appeared a bit smudged. There was a speckle of pizza sauce staining her face, near the corner of her mouth, which the empath considered magically removing for a minute before a change in Jinx's chanting caught the empath's attention.

She focused on the emotions rippling off of the girl.

There was an air of calm around her, as tentative as it was, and Raven was fairly certain the hex castor would master it the next time she attempted the practice.

She listened for a few more minutes, and decided to call time.

"Jinx."

She startled a little, but recovered almost instantly and instead of replying, stretched languidly and yawned a bit before smiling, which rather reminded Raven of a cat, though she supposed, it could have been her eyes dominating the impression, silted as they naturally were.

"So how are you feeling?"

"Better," Jinx replied happily, twisting in place on the floor to crack her spine into place; "Thanks."

"You're welcome. I'm just sorry that I can't do more at the moment."

"Well I've lasted four months already right?" she offered, trying to make light of the situation.

"True, and I really do commend you for your efforts. It couldn't have been easy."

Jinx felt her cheeks begin to flush and she started to stutter, "Y-yeah, I mean, I did try pretty hard," she replied while rubbing the back of her neck.

Raven nodded and treated herself to a quick stretch of her own before settling back down with a small smile.

"Well, I guess the only thing left to discuss today is what your powers work off of? It wouldn't do me any good to look into things in the wrong field entirely."

Jinx smiled and leaned back, resting her weight on her hands while replying, "For starters my magic is all about bad luck, that is, making everything's luck around me worse. Person walking by me? Boom they trip. Metal handcuffs slapped on my wrists, oops, they're corroded now. Unfortunately I don't know much more than that. By the time I was supposed to get magical training at the H.I.V.E. it was already taken over and everyone was already mind controlled so. There went that. Which is why I called you now that I mention it, cause I figured you might have had training? Or knew someone that did, I guess. Although I didn't really think you'd actually help someone like me to be honest."

"Someone like you?" the empath inquired, her head tilted slightly in confusion, "I don't quite understand. Why wouldn't I help you?"

Jinx blushed a second time, and quickly hugged her jacket closer as she rammed her hands into her pockets.

"I just meant that, well, I'm an ex-criminal, and I didn't know if you'd want to bother I guess, I didn't mean anything by it or anything."

"I probably would have helped you regardless of your criminal status. You being on my side just means that I don't have to lie about it."

"Wait, really?"

Raven nodded; "I swore an oath to protect this city and its inhabitants. That includes people of all moral persuasions. If I didn't help you with your powers I would be putting the city and its people at risk, and I'd also lose a potential ally, although, as if you had asked me a year ago I might have been skeptical and stubborn about it all."

"Fair enough. I'm just still glad you agreed."

"Yes well. Moving back to the topic at hand, is there anything else you can tell me about your powers?"

"I can funnel them into different shapes if I want, and I have to think about the power I'm dishing out if I do anything big or I can topple buildings or explode people from the inside out."

Raven stared for a few mintues, a somewhat cartoonish depiction of a man exploding into fleshy confetti occupying her mind before shaking it away.

"Good to know."

"Right well, now you know why I was worried."

"Yes. And like I said, I promise to help you in whatever way I can, you have my comm number so feel free to use it if things start to feel like they're going wrong or if you think of anything useful. Or if you just want to hang out and distress again," the empath said as she got up and dusted herself off and ran a few fingers through her hair, making sure it was all in place.

Jinx also rose, her eyes glued to the empath in front of her and offered her her best smile.

With a final surprise hug from the hex caster, the empath vanished into the black void of her soulself and disappeared, leaving Jinx with a sense of hope that lasted all the way to dinner.


End file.
